Breaking my habits
by BloodyRoseBlack
Summary: A fic based on Linkin Park's song; HD; Harry's battle with his life... I'm not good with summaries... Read & review!


I don't own Harry Potter and any of those characters. Nor do I own the lyrics. Their the property of Linkin Park and the title is 'breaking the habit'. N-joy!   
----------------------------------------------------------H&D-----------------------------------------------  
  
_Memories consume  
  
like opening the wound  
  
I'm picking me apart again  
_  
I'm running through the corridors of the dark castle of Hogwards. I've been to Dumbledore. He told me at dinner to come to him. He had to tell me something very important. I wish I haven't went there. I wish my heart would bleed and my tears stopped running down my cheeks...  
  
_you all assume  
  
I'm safe here in my room  
  
[unless I try to start again]_  
  
The Headmaster told my something I already knew, but it hurt as hell when I heard it. It's a big difference between knowing and actually having someone tell you. I'm broken. He told me not to see him again. To keep away. The war is coming closer step by step and I don't want to fight....  
  
_I don't want to be the one  
  
the battles always choose  
  
cause inside I realize  
  
that I'm the one confused  
_  
There are some meetings set for my training. Everybody tell me to learn as much as I can because I have to fight against Voldemort and I MUST win. If I wont all wizarding world would come to an end. And the darkness will cover it all and shit like that. They're just concerned about themselves. They don't care about what I want or don't want ... I sit still in some forgotten classroom in northern tower on cold stone floor and cry silently.  
  
_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
or why I have to scream  
  
I don't know why I instigate  
  
and say what I don't mean  
  
I don't know how I got this way  
  
I know it's not alright  
  
so I'm  
  
breaking the habit  
  
tonight  
_  
I wonder what my friends are doing. Some friend they are, but I keep calling them that even in my head. It's to be safe that I don't slip it sometime and call them bastards or other names like that. I would have to explain it and I really wouldn't like to do that. To much trouble.  
  
clutching my cure  
  
_I tightly lock the door  
  
I try to catch my breath again  
  
I hurt much more  
  
than anytime before  
  
I had no options left again_  
  
I still hear Dumbledors voice in me head. It hurt so much. 'You have to keep away from Him. He went in his Fathers footsteps and you will have to face him on a battlefield soon. It'll hurt less if you let him go now. I know it's hard for you but it will get better, trust me. It's for your own good, Harry, and for the good of Wizarding Word. There are lots of people you still can save. Let him go. It's an unwanted distraction in your training. We would want you distracted, would we?" Oh yeah you bastard. All for the Wizardin World. I've sacrificed and hurt enough. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be the your victim and be left without any choices of my own and be your puppet. You've hurt me enough. It still hurt and I'm sure it will hurt in the future too. All because my parent died and the bloody scar. But most importantly because it's easier to use me than to do it all by yourselves. The ring is getting hotter. He's calling me.  
  
_I'll paint it on the walls  
  
cause I'm the one at fault  
  
I'll never fight again  
  
and this is how it ends  
  
_I get up and run. Run through all the corridors down to the dungeon. I can see a big full moon in the windows. It's delicate shine is leading me to him. I think it's enough waiting. I'm telling him I can't do it anymore and I want him to take me home. To the first real home I ever had. I cant run faster and every second that I'm wasting not being in his arms is driving me mad. He's a drug. He's all I need.  
  
_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
or why I have to scream  
_  
Finally I've reached my destination. The portrait swings open without even asking me for password and I run into a big room. The fire is burning in the fireplace but still the room is dark. I can't see him. Suddenly I hear a low chuckle coming from the bed and I know it's him. I run toward it and in a moment I'm in his arms. Fresh tears run down my cheeks as I snuggle into his big chest. It's been to long since I was in his arms. -I want you to take me home... I don't want to be here... His long fingers play with my hair. -I know, sugar, I know. You lift my face to look into my eyes. I missed your gray eyes and the way they look at me with love... -Tonight's the night. Everything's ready. He kiss me slowly but with passion. I love his kisses ... I love him...my Dragon....  
  
_but now I have some clarity  
  
to show you what I mean  
  
I don't know how I got this way  
  
I'll never be alright  
_  
I feel a pull somewhere in my navel and I know he used a portkey. We're sitting on his bed in the Malfoy Manor. Now I'm at home. His breath on my neck and his kisses trails my shoulder. There wont be anymore Golden Boy and Boy-Who-Lived. No more lies and false intentions. I'm breaking my habits. I'm in bed with the next Dark Lord.  
  
_so I'm  
  
breaking the habit  
  
breaking the habit  
_  
_tonight_


End file.
